The Hyper Racer - a small racing vehicle.


Below are 2 fictional interviews between Mark Wicks of KartSportNews and Dean and Jon Crooke of HyperRacer. WARNING: Do not read on if you are offended by course language. The content on this page was written by WAYNE FUNSTON. They are NOT the words, opinions or ideas of HyperRacer or it's principles Dean or Jon Crooke.

Mark Wicks of KartSportNews.com interviews Dean Crooke.
Mark: How are you Dean Dean: Okay Mark: So how is your first year in Rotax Superkarts going? Dean: Okay Mark: Tell us how it felt to get your first race win Dean: Okay I guess Mark: Good to see you are expanding your answers a bit more now Dean Dean: Yep Mark: What were the thoughts running through your mind heading down the straight for the last time on the way to your first race win? Dean: Where am I? Mark: So the feeling of the elation, was THAT over powering? Dean: Not really. Mark: The karts of Jon and yours are works of art and I am sure lots of hours went into the design and building of the karts. Tell us a bit about it. Dean: Yeah a fair few hours went into it. Mark: But who did all the design work, all the fabrication and so forth? I am sure there are a lot of people you would like to thank? Dean: Nup Mark: Oh well, is there any differences between the karts of yours and Jon's? Dean: Colour Mark: So is everything else the same? Dean: Yep Mark: So with your Dad being an ex-Australian open wheeler champion, is there any reason you can see why he is off your pace? Dean: He's old. Mark: I see we are not going to get any great words of wisdom any time soon, but is there anyone you would like to thank? Maybe your family, Phoenix, anyone that helped your racing along the way? Dean: Well, I would not be where I am today without the guidance and mentoring from one of the finest race drivers I have ever come across. A guy that very few people have ever heard of, let alone recognise, yet with a bigger budget and the right breaks they could have made it all the way to F1, and could have headed into retirement as a star in V8 Supercars. That guy is yourself Mark. What you don't know about racing is not worth knowing. Not only that, but you are one of the most humble and modest people that I have ever had a pleasure of knowing. I am and forever will be eternally indebted to you. Mark: Wow Dean that sure is a great compliment. On that note I would like to thank you for taking time out in your schedule today to talk with me, and good luck with your racing in the future. Dean: Wanker! Fictional interview written by WAYNE FUNSTON. The above is NOT the words, opinions or ideas of HyperRacer or it's principles Dean or Jon Crooke.
Mark Wicks of KartSportNews.com interviews Mega Legend Jon Crooke.
Mark: How are you Jon? Thanks for taking the time out to talk to me today. Jon: Yeah no worries Mark, but I have been fuckin' flat out I tell ya. Mark: Yes thanks for that Jon. You have had quite a few achievements in the past, but now you have taken up Superkarting with your son Dean, how is that all going? Jon: Oh shit mate, I tell ya, it's fuckin' awesome! Why anyone would stuff around with sprint karting, where all you do all day is root around waiting for your next race is beyond me I tell ya. Superkarting is the go, racing wheel to wheel with a heap of other mad bastards, knowing full well that if you get your wheels tangled up together one of you is going to die! Mark: So how is your season starting? Jon: Mate!! Dean is just going so well I tell ya! He is out there kicking arse as though he has been doing this shit for years. His lines are spot on to an inch perfect, and brakes in the same place EXACTLY each time, mate he's a demon out there I tell ya. Learnt everything from his old man! Mark: But how are YOU going Jon. Jon: Yeah mate, Dean is going really well. Mark: So you are having a few problems coming to grips with it? Jon: Mate, if I was the same age as these young bastards I would be kicking their arse, but my body lets me down nowadays. Just my back, my ribs and my neck. Mate, I'm way past my use-by date. Mark: You are not trying to make pathetic excuses are you? Jon: Fuck no! I was a bloody gun in my day mate, I was a star in open wheelers - won the Australian Championship, and then raced in V8 Supercars. Mark: V8 Supercars? I didn't think they came onto the scene until many years later. Wasn't it Group A that you raced in? Jon: V8 Supercars, Group A, what ever. Same shit different bucket mate. I raced with Peter Brock's team and was faster than him mate, so don't give me that shit. Mark: So you would have raced at Bathurst? How did you go? Jon: DEFINITELY don't get me started on that! That fuckin' Brock is an arsehole! I would have won Bathurst that year but Brock took over MY fuckin' car! He and Eric Dowker can shove their fuckin' Polariser fair up their arse I tell ya! Mark: Okay then on a change of subject in that case, how is the racing at the Hyperstimulator centre going? Jon: Mate!! It's the BEST racing I tell ya. A fuckin' top bunch of blokes and super close racing. We have a great time. I won the championship last year. Beat all the top guns - Dean, Supercar drivers Steve Owen, Richo and Bargs and you Wicksy "The Worlds Masters Rotax Champion", Funston and Kerkham. Hosed 'em all mate. Mark: But didn't Dean finish only 1 point behind you despite missing a round? Jon: Yeah, OK he is probably the better driver, but I hosed the rest of 'em. Mark: And in this race league is there a fixed car set up or can people use their own? Jon: No way mate. Everyone uses one that either Dean or I set up. We're the only ones that know what we're doing. Mark: But with different tastes, other people might like their car set up differently? Jon: (Laughs) Bad luck. Really though, any driver worth their salt should be able to adapt their driving style to whatever we give them. When I used to race open wheelers I used to be able to go to a new track and set the car up to suit and to learn the track in no time at all. We never had all the telemetry and bullshit they all use now, it was all seat of the pants and who had the bigger set of balls. Mate, mine are the size of fucking bowling balls I tell ya! Might be why I have a sore back sometimes (laughs). Besides all that, the set ups we use are the best way to set up a car, if you drive to a different style you should really adapt your style to suit mine. It'll make you a faster driver in everything else that you drive too. Mark: Okay thanks again for taking the time out to speak to me today. Good luck with the Superkarting and I hope to see you at the next Hyper race night. Jon: Thanks buddy. Hope you can get there to race so I can kick your arse again. Got to do something about that tall streak of pelican shit Funston too (laughs). That bald headed prick is beating me in the championship. Catch ya Mark. Fictional interview written by WAYNE FUNSTON. The above is NOT the words, opinions or ideas of HyperRacer or it's principles Dean or Jon Crooke.